Introductory Paragraph

Imagine this— you’ve just heard the worst 3 words being tossed at you by the doctor you’ve only just met, yet they have the power to make your world do a 180 degree spin. She says words she thinks will help, “This is a war you can win” or “Just fight a little longer”. But how does she know how you feel. Using metaphors to discuss life altering medical diagnoses is a habit we, as a society, need to break. Using metaphors to describe experience with health issues could have the opposite effect than intent. Words meant to encourage progress, could be slowing it down without anyone but the patient knowing, causing deppression that eventually decreases physical health, on top of the mental decline. Although the impact isnt direct, it may still have a lasting effect on the interpreter of the metaphor.


  1. awardwell

    This is so good! I love how you posed a few questions in there it really gets the reader thinking, and encourages them to form their opinion and ideas. Definetly add more quotes by Kullar throughout your essay, because that’s what is making your intro good right now. So once you explore his text on a deeper level continue to incorprorate what his thoughts are and how they effected you.

  2. cstorti

    1. Metaphors in the world of medicine may not always fit the situation, sometimes they make things worse than they are- mentally and physically.
    2. I’m not sure. This paragraph doesn’t so much layout the topics as much as it develops a preexisting idea.
    3. It seems like this paper would be about metaphors and their lasting effect on individuals, especially those who have a detrimental illness.
    4. It seems like this conversation matters to those who have been diagnosed with cancer, people who are annoyed with people calling them a fighter. It matters becuase sometimes, you just want to accept that you’re going to die from this disease and just want to live out the rest of your life in peace.
    5. Metaphors in medicine should end. They hurt people mentally, which leads to an even faster physical decline.
    I like your ideas behind this, but honestly the layout and certain word choices of the paragraph itself are a bit elementary. Also, it doesn’t seem as much as an intro as it is developing an idea. I’m not totally sure what points you’re trying to make, other than metaphors in medicine may be hurtful.

  3. Marcel

    1: Metaphors can be harmful, and we need to be careful about using them.
    2: Words have different meanings to everyone, and it can be very dependent on their situation.
    3: Covers medicine and patient relation.
    4: Everyone must deal with medicine whether it be family or your own self. You would feel horrible if a family member had become hopeless or depressed because of a statement that was made by some one who is supposed to heal, not hurt. Patients require incredible care. They should be secure not only through medicine, but mentality as well.
    5: Words can have positive intentions but may lead to negative outcomes.

    I really enjoy the selfless and steadfast stand over the topic. You open with a strong scenario that gives the reader a sense of discomfort about being in a situation like that. It creates a good connection straight from the start. I would say that some of the wording could be improved to make this opener more effective and dramatic. For example, instead of saying “make your world do a 180 degree spin”, you could say ‘make your whole world come crashing down’. These small differences in phrases can help readers picture what you are saying much more vividly. Overall, you’re paragraph was a great start!

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