Overall this was a very solid free draft and paper concept. I think the mistakes that stand out the most to me were a few wording/spelling/grammar errors, so that would be a priority to fix if It was my paper. Some sentences just didn’t have a good flow or ended up being a bit confusing while reading the paper. I did also notice that a couple times in the paper there were quotes  that didn’t have any background info such as which text or which author the quote was from, which is important to prevent plagiarism. There were a few run on sentences, but nothing a few commas or a period in the middle couldn’t solve. I did find quite a few spots that really caught my attention (see edit) that made some really valid and meaningful points that supported the thesis well. The intro paragraph was structured and worded very well.