The first mode I chose to use was a photo depicting two girls. One of the girls was shown elated, with different likes and comments around her head, the second girl however was sad and had less likes and comments. I chose this photo because it depicts one of my essay’s main points, that social media is bad for the mental health of its users.
The second mode I chose to incorporate in my multimodal essay was another photo depicting multiple women of different body types. Around the women were negative thoughts they felt about their body as well as words in quotes that have been said to them. I chose to incorporate this photo because I felt that it accurately portrayed the paragraph that I mention body dysmorphia and negative body image in. It really put the words I use into a photo.
The third mode I chose to incorporate was a TED talk in which the speaker talked about how screens make us less happy. In this TED talk by Adam Alter, he discusses how even the biggest leaders in the tech industry limit the screen time their kids can have, even Steve Jobs did it. He also discusses the different ways companies limit the screen time of their employees to increase productivity and happiness, and lower stress levels. I chose to include this presentation because I feel that it is a different point of view into the affect of social media and technology on adults and the things done to help them, instead of focusing on teenagers.
For my choice of article, I chose an article that was about the effect of social media and the culture it produces on young girls and teens. This article is titles “Camera-Ready: Young Women’s Appearance-Related Social Media Consciousness” and was written by Higgins, Widman, Nesi, and Choukas-Bradley. To explain further, this article discusses the impact of social media on mental health, as well as physical health. I chose this article because not only was it one of the topics I was debating on choosing, but it is also a topic I find very interesting. I feel that this is an important topic to discuss because so many people of all ages are impacted by the toxicity social media produces and it greatly impacts the younger generations. I feel that social media is more prominent in middle school aged girls now than it was when I was in middle school. The beauty related pressures are certainly increased, although the world is certainly kinder to those that aren’t the cookie-cutter size 2 girls. It has become a game to guess wether or not a girl is 14 or 23 on social media, which forces girls to not only put pressure on themselves to look older and sexier, but also forces them to grow up faster and face the challenge of predators thinking they are older than they are. It also encourages people to constantly compare themselves to others, and rate their own beauty on the amount of “likes” on their most recent selfie. The culture created by social media for physical appearance has essentially eliminated the tried and true “awkward phase”. One of the main arguments of this article was that the newest pressure on todays youth is to always look camera ready, just in case a photo was to be taken and posted on social media. This pressure forces young girls to constantly look their best, and to always act as they do on social media. I plan to connect this article to my essay by connecting YoYo Ma’s essay on the importance of including Art in education by explaining how if teens are given a creative outlet that can distract from the addiction of social media.
For my choice of chapter, I chose chapter 17 of They Say/I Say by Gerald Graff and Cathy Birkenstein. This chapter because it is about writing in the social sciences and writing in research papers. I chose this chapter because I can use the techniques mentioned in the chapter to improve my essay since my essay topic involves the impact of media on mental and physical health of teens, which involves social sciences. One of my sources is a research paper by a group of psychologists, so this chapter will help me discuss it within my essay a bit more, as well as different ways to discuss it other than just listing off quotes and facts.
Science and Art– both essential to everyday life. If you think about it, art is everywhere you look… the ugly carpet of the average classroom? Yeah, thats art. So is the pattern on your T-Shirt. Now, science is even more apparent. The laptop I am typing this on was created from science, so was the makeup on my face and the perfume I sprayed on this morning. If these two important aspects of our lives are everywhere, and are so often combined, why cant they be taught together? Many people are stuck in the pattern of favoring a STEM education, and overlooking the possibility of STEAM eduction. It figures this is the case, since people tend to be stuck in their ways and fear change.
When beginning a new essay, I find that it is easiest for me to form my ideas into words if I do brainstorming activities. If I have a general idea of what I would like to write about, I am usually able to just type and see where it goes. Often times when I try to write my ideas, I have trouble finding the words and putting them on the paper. For me, it is just easier to think through the essay while I write, rather than having a written outline. Another activity I tend to do, though not the most ideal or beneficial, is wait til about midnight or 1 am and just type every word that comes to mind on the topic and edit it the following day. My version of brain storming activity is not the best or easiest to provide evidence for.
In Necessary Edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education was written by Yo Yo Ma. In his bio, it discusses his past accomplishments in both writing and music, as well as the past publishing of Necessary Edges. In the bio, it is also discusses the point of the writing, which is the impact of art and the empathy art provokes. His point of view is that art is essential to have balanced mind. He also touches on the importance of a STEAM education since it incorporates art and science together, rather than STEM. The purpose of reading this essay is to enlighten ourselves on the importance of empathy, science, and art as well as the combination of the two in education.
3 words I was unsure of the meaning of include: -lewd– crude and offensive in a sexual way -repertoire– skills a person is able to perform -lascivious– feeling or revealing an overt and often offensive sexual desire.
For my peer review, I edited Sam’s essay. My revisions were resolved since she turned in the essay, but this was the final comment I left on her essay:
Katies Note: Overall really good!! Your topics follow throughout the paper and aren’t confusing. A thing that could be improved is the consistency with explanations of quotes, some are gone in depth and others aren’t really explained very much. The paper flows well but I think if you work on some of the transitional phrases introducing paragraphs, quotes, or in paragraphs in general then the flow would be even better. You had many good points within your essay! Some of them would work to strengthen your intro paragraph if they were mentioned in it. You also had a lot of strong quotes that help with the flow of the essay. Your conclusion is very strong as well! Overall your essay is really strong.
Part 2– I did see a few patterns when re reading my essay on use of metaphorical language in medicine. I used the word metaphor or military metaphor quite a bit, but this makes sense due to the essay topic. There were a few occasions within the essay that I had repetitive sentences, but not many
Part 3– I think I tend to rely on making my essays and writings sound like me when I talk. Writing in this technique has seemed to not only help get my ideas across, but also allows me to connect with the reader more and keep their attention.
Part 4– A couple of my paragraphs could use some work, possibly with better transitions and pointing terms to help with the overall flow.
This essay’s peer review was highly beneficial for me since I was having trouble finding my words in this essay. Based on the peer edits I received I need to improve my thesis and its clarity, as well as the wording. I also need to improve the connections of my points to the thesis, and possibly rework the order of paragraphs to improve the flow of my paragraphs. I also need to work on creating more depth with my ideas, by elaborating on ideas mentioned and expanding the explanations of my quotes. I think my biggest challenge is going to be expanding on my ideas, just because some of them are harder to explain especially if I want to include text to self and text to world connections. The corrections given by both Sarah and Professor Emerson also supported these corrections, as well as a few grammatical corrections. I appreciate all corrections since they improve the overall flow of the essay as well as improve the paper overall.